“High school is not just for me.”

I have said this over and over again these past four years, whether jokingly to my friends when cramming for math tests together or out of fatigue to my mom on the long drives from taking the ACT.

However, now that time is running out on my high school career, I can’t help but reflect on my time at Palo Alto High School on a deeper level.

An imperfect transition into freshman year is somewhat of a rite of passage for everybody. For me, the process felt complicated in a way that is hard to articulate — I was dealing with a personal loss and felt generally removed from life, and in turn, school. 

My parents and I weighed some options: I could apply to local private schools, boarding schools farther away or move to a suburb of Seattle that my family was familiar with.

I ultimately chose to stick it through because the problem was my relationship with high school in general rather than one school in particular. Also, I was simply intimidated by the risk. 

That spring, the COVID-19 shelter-in-place order came just as I reached a low point. When I retreated into my home on March 13, 2020, I felt oddly liberated.

That summer in quarantine, I started running 5Ks every day at noon and practicing the flute again. I also poured energy into developing a charity business where I sold handmade string bracelets and donated all the proceeds to the World Food Program.

When my sophomore school year started virtually, I perfected my sleep schedule (9 p.m. to 6 a.m., which I marvel at now) and took on a slate of virtual extracurricular commitments.

My mental health and productivity peaked after being granted freedom with my time, so I learned that I don’t work well under the strict structure of a typical high school schedule. This was affirmed with the return to school in junior year: I battled unreasonably high academic expectations of myself while developing extreme test anxiety that would regularly make me become blank and emotional during tests.

I found that opening up to my teachers was immensely helpful; they all lent their ears and wanted to help. I also learned to accept defeat where it was necessary. I dropped an Advanced Placement class in the second semester, and while this was a major blow that I still think about somewhat bitterly, it taught me about learning my limits.

The beacon of light in my junior year was finally becoming involved in Paly journalism. Verde was the class on my schedule that I actually looked forward to, and writing and designing stories was my creative outlet. Serving as co-editor-in-chief starting in the spring of my junior year will always be one of my favorite parts of high school.

As for senior year? Not only have I balanced academics with soaking in major “lasts” with my friends such as Spirit Week and prom, but I have also found beauty in the day-to-day Paly experiences (side conversations during class, quick trips to Town & Country for a matcha latte and much more).

After experiencing these ups and downs, I have a message to the underclassmen who may be itching to get out: You are not alone. The construct of high school is not optimal for some people. The good news? The real world waiting for you does not have to be anything like it.

That is the world that I have been looking forward to. 

Maybe high school wasn’t always for me, but that’s no longer a negative thing. On June 1, I will walk across the graduation stage alongside the Class of 2023, turn my tassel from the right to left and wholeheartedly thank Paly for handing me the most transformative years of my life — so far.