Whenever I bring up the fact that I have divorced parents, people will always say, ‘Oh, I’m sorry,’” Palo Alto High School junior Nathan Mourrain said. “People just assume that it’s somehow worse, and that’s not always the case.”

Many students face similar circumstances as Mourrain, as  roughly 40% of United States children do not live with their married, biological parents according to the National Library of Medicine.

“It [divorce] is so common … in our culture and in our communities,” Paly wellness coordinator Andie Barker said.

Because so many students live without both of their parents, everyone has varying experiences.

“I feel like every kid of a split-parent household is very different from one another,” Paly senior Juliana Sandoval said.

While the NLM says that divorce can lead to higher risks of academic, behavioral and emotional challenges for children, most do not develop severe mental disorders.

“I don’t have that many memories of my parents being together, and even if I did, it’s not like I was having full-blown conversations with them when I was five,” Mourrain said. “So to be honest, I’ve never had an issue with having divorced parents. For me, this is normal.”

While Mourrain’s parents both live nearby in Palo Alto and Menlo Park, many students have to travel farther between houses, making their experiences different.

Paly junior Meryem Orazova’s parents divorced when she was three years old, forcing her to alternate between households throughout her childhood. On weekdays she would stay with her mom in Palo Alto, and on weekends she would stay with her dad who lived an hour away.

“I wouldn’t be able to hang out with my friends over the weekends or do any activities in Palo Alto,” Orazova said. “It felt like I was missing out at a young age.”

According to Psychology Today, children who divide their time between households often experience a sense of unpredictability that can increase stress.

“Stability and routine are crucial, especially as you’re growing and developing,” Barker said.

However, sometimes this is not possible between two households because divorced parents have different ideas of how they want their home to operate.

“I don’t think people with parents that are together understand how hard it is mentally, and how taxing it is to fit yourself into what family dynamic works the best,” Sandoval said. “I personally think that kids with split parents handle being alone better.”

According to The Center for Divorce Education, divorce often reduces parental involvement and increases responsibilities at home. This forces many children to adapt quickly and develop greater independence in managing their academic and personal lives.

“My only parent is a single mother, so that requires her to act as both the mom and the dad,” Sandoval said. “Instead of having two parents to kind of lean on, I only have one parent, so it’s not as reliable when it comes to getting support. It just comes back to me having to be more independent than other kids.”

This forced independence is challenging, but it can also shape adolescents positively by helping them learn crucial life skills earlier.

“Sometimes it [divorce] can also give the person going through it a sense of resiliency,” Barker said. “They learn how to cope with that loss and a new way of life, which can help them grow, especially if the parents are communicating well. And even if they’re not, it still teaches that person how to navigate that new situation in life and how to deal with stress.”

Students can still excel in their studies and personal growth without the support of both parents. Usually, this requires patience and understanding from educators and administrators in school environments, where they spend much of their time.

“Teachers should be aware that sometimes students do go through challenges at home,” Orazova said. “Everyone has a unique family situation, so they should show empathy to a student who might not be having the best day or seem like they’re tapped out.”

For many individuals, understanding that they are not alone in their struggles can also help them cope and feel less isolated.

“Something that makes it [having divorced parents] easier is seeing that a lot of other people have complicated family situations,” Orazova said. “I was surprised when I got to high school because I met so many people with divorced parents, and knowing I wasn’t the only one made things easier for me.”

For those who struggle with coping on their own, the Wellness Center at Paly offers a safe space to process emotions and talk about complicated experiences.

“Even if the person across from you can’t necessarily take away the burden or the loss, they can help support you and be there so you’re not alone in that grief and pain,” Barker said. “That’s one of the reasons why we want to be here. We want to make sure students know they’re not alone and that they have a place to come and process that privately.”

Barker emphasized the importance of helping students who are going through tough times understand that they are not alone.

“Sometimes, just talking about it [divorce] makes it less scary,” Barker said. “If you’re going through something like that, you can hold a lot of that [pent-up emotions] within, and simply releasing it can give it less power.”