1. My tumblr page
• Is my pride and joy, a tasteful mix of muppets singing songs and accessible poetry. I often use it as my platform on which complain about made up ADD and sleep apnea. (5 points)
• I might understand the appeal if I could access it from the neolithic stone tablet I use instead of a computer. (10)
• What better place to share my favorite of our generational iconography: bleeding eyeballs, exposed knee-caps and emo-sexual makeout scenes? Where else would I figure out how to stud my own leather? (15)
2. After the first presidential debate
• I posted a ridiculous, partisan status that used words like, “Trotskyism,” “However” and “Plutocratic.” I was attacked by a healthy mix of infuriated pseudopoliticals and ambivalent friends and strangers who rightly shunned you. (5)
• Why is this all about social networking? Is this what we’ve come to? Sorry, I can’t hear your response over the Jefferson Airplane CD I just bought from a homeless man’s Ebay account. (10)
• I guess I’m just an anarchist, which is pretty rad. So it’s all the same to me. (15)
3. On Spirit Week
• I was a moderate participant, did just enough to pass the bar unless the day elicited the opportunity for some great, hyper-intellectual pun-making. I Shamelessly submitted cheers that hardly rhymed, I mean, what rhymes with “Congenital Arrithmea?” For that matter, what rhymes with “Orange?” (5)
• I was a full on participant, I incorporated shirts with oversized cat, mustache and wolf patterning into my ridiculously intricate outfits. I took selfies only to upload Instagram-filtered results to every social media platform known to (wo)man. The caption read something along the ironic lines, “Txt it!” (10)
• It’s a fascist holiday; I’m not sure how and I couldn’t justify it through my whip-it induced haze if I did, but it is. I hate capitalism. (15)
4. On Books
• Whenever someone asks, or complains about reading “American Political Tradition” in class, I respond, “I mean, I actually really like reading!” And in theory I do. Every once in a blue moon, I pick up some American classics, and then put them down again once I’ve found something smart to put in my “Favorite quotes” box on Facebook. I’m overly nostalgic about Judy Blume and can quote liberal pundit-bloggers Mormon propaganda allegations against all my favorite Stephanie Meyer novels, but between friends, I haven’t read a book since “Holes” and I know it. (10)
• Unabashedly read Derrida in the middle of class. Nothing curls my toes like a big, fat, juicy new word — and I just love the way I sound quoting “anything Thoreau.” (5)
• So obsessed with finding anti-egalitarian, anti-marijuana, pro-“the man” connotations that I am confined to Satanic cult literature and the sob stories of teen identity crisis. (15)
5. On my iPod
• I mean, Taylor Swift’s new album just came out. (10)
• From “Scenes of Childhood” to experimental jazz, I say I like everything “good.” Actually, I like everything fancy that came before The Beatles ruined music forever. (5)
• Come on man, Kurt Cobain just died, like, 10 years ago. Not cool. (15)
IF YOU SCORED BETWEEN….
25-45
You are the hyper-intellectual, false-glasses-wearing, skinny-leg-having hipster that haunts the streets of San Francisco’s Mission district and the halls of Palo Alto High School. You make our lives miserable in your attempts at out-witting the world, but, ostensibly, we’re impressed.
45-65
You’re probably the only person who would deign to take this quiz. For that, and little else, we appreciate you. Congratulations on making it page 2 of Verde. You probably aren’t too pleased with this turn of events, but you know that those hours that you think you spend doing English homework are spent on Hulu plus (Why would you do that to your bank account?) watching New Girl and fishtailing your hair.
65-75
You are the gore-grind anarchist hipster who wanders through the world asking such important metaphysical questions as “why?,” and “what?” It never really ceases to amaze you that the whole world is just a projection of society. Is that, like, a catch 22?
